Great Expectations

I wrote this essay several months ago. Before the election, the inauguration and well before the Woman’s March of 2017. There are hundreds of reasons I love being a woman and feel so empowered when I see women all over the world come together. However, when I read that pro-life women were not welcome at most march locations, I couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that we are part of the problem. Yes, ladies, us. All of us. While I support all of those who participated in the march, those who were standing up for what they believe, I encourage women everywhere to think about whether or not this march was actually for ALL women… even the women who do not share your opinion. It may be time to check our expectations. 

The expectations women feel to look and act a certain way are real. I write this as a woman who has felt the pressure of these expectations. I write this as a woman who has relentlessly tried to convince herself that these expectations don’t have a hold on her. I write this as a woman who often feels that her actions, personality and body may never be enough to meet these expectations. I write this as a woman who actively participates in supporting these expectations, most often without even realizing it.

I write this because I know there are other women out there who are just like me. Women whose internal dialogue sounds much like mine. Women who deserve to know that their feelings are not figment. The expectations are real. Women have been lead to believe that these outrageous, near impossible expectations have been set by men and the fashion industry. Photoshopped women on every billboard, in every magazine, on our social media feed, looking iconic and living perfection. Making men think this is actually feasible so it becomes reality in their minds. Poor guys, they will forever be disappointed by how REAL women act and what REAL women look like.

However, sadly, it is not only men and fashion/health/beauty industries who set these unrealistic expectations, but also women, including you and me. It is likely that you have participated in the support of expectations that we all hate so much. I know I have.

If you’ve ever thought a woman was too fat or too thin or too muscular. Had too many children or not enough children. Focused too much on career or not enough. Wore too much makeup, too short of shorts, too small of a bathing suit or too high of heels.

If you’ve ever frowned upon the woman who got an abortion or didn’t because of her beliefs. Spoke her opinion even when everyone else, including you, disagreed. Practiced a religion that you believe is wrong. Choose an untraditional marriage arrangement or a traditional one.

Even if you never said it out loud, your thoughts supported an expectation of the way women should look and act. Your expectation may differ from that of other women, men or fashion/health/beauty industries, alas you have an expectation. How can we believe that expectations on women shouldn’t exist when we subconsciously support them?

Perhaps it is an expectation you believe you yourself should meet, therefore, you believe all other women should meet it as well. It is your gold standard. Of course, like all other opinions, you have set this gold standard based on the influence of many outside factors, including experiences, family, friends, news and media, workplace environments. But when it becomes our reality, we suddenly believe that all others must comply. We assume that we speak for all women because we share common anatomy. I will be the first to admit, that I have, on many more than one occasion,  passed judgement and wholeheartedly felt like I was right.

No two people will ever be the same. There is no mold to fit. Rather than trying to meet some sort of unrealistic expectation, as women we would be much better off practicing acceptance. The kind of acceptance where we make amends with strengths and weaknesses, beliefs and opinions. First of ourselves and then of each other. Striving to find our personal best and supporting other women to do the same. The expectation that all women are supposed to have the same ideas, opinions, beliefs, religion, thin waists, perky breasts, a round ass, and perfect, flawless skin is a bunch of bullshit and the only way we can put an end to it is to support one another even if we disagree with her choice.

We are all influenced by our surroundings and the information we consume, but it’s time we quit blaming these unrealistic expectations on Photoshop, industry standards and men, take some ownership of the problem and start focusing on change from within. Beginning with ourselves and then encompassing the acceptance of other women. These types of changes can take a lifetime, but I believe in the power of numbers. Let’s all start small and practice loving ourselves first. Fuck what anyone else has to say.